Friday, January 27, 2012

Where did all the years go?

Hi Friends! I hope you are doing well today!

Have you ever had someone say something to you that just broke your heart and hurt your feelings to the core? Of course, you have. Everyone has. And it especially hurts when it comes from your child.

Being an avid reader, I came across a dialog that made me realize what was happening in my own life; my relationship with my daughter who will be 25 next month.

This is from Elizabeth Berg's Once Upon a Time, There Was You:

Two friends talking: "You need to let her do some serious hating on you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean she needs to feel free to hate you. Otherwise, she'll never free herself from you."

"Yeah, easy for you to say. You have sons."

"Well sons do it too! My sons had to hate me so they could leave and grow up. And they still hate me sometimes. They really hurt my feelings, sometimes! I've told you about stuff they've done. Come on, Irene. You know that's the way it goes. Kids are cruel to their parents. You did it too. When your father used to come visit, you'd be mean to him, if not in deed, then in thought. Then after he left, you'd be racked with guilt because you loved him."

This was my Ah Ha moment. So now I get it. My daughter is disconnecting with me so that she can be independent and on her own. I guess this is very normal and part of life. I am over the hurt now. And proud that my daughter will be moving out in March to share an apartment with her friend.

Isn't she gorgeous! And smart too.

Thanks for visiting today. Stop by sometime for a cup of tea or coffee.

Have a wonderful evening!



WhyCuzICan said...

Charlotte, your daughter is lovely.

I feel your pain, though. I have one child, a daughter, who will be 19 in two months. She has hated me, I'm sure; but always seems to find my arms open when she wants to love me, any time. Which is currently lately, Thank the Lord.

Suzanne in NW Illinois

Happyone said...

A funny story about my son hating me. Many years ago when he was little and I sent him to his room for something he had done wrong.
He wrote me a short letter while there which read,
"I hate you."
Love David.

Donna said...

My kids never "said" I hate you" but I'm Sure they thought it Plenty!Hahaa...
And you're right...When they begin to pull away, we have to let them go...
Give them "wings" and...they'll fly Home!
She's Gorgeous!

ImSoVintage said...

The hardest thing is letting them go and knowing that they don't think we are perfect anymore. On the other hand, it's kind of nice to not have to act like we're perfect anymore. Your daughter is just beautiful:)

hootnonny said...

I like what Donna said, "Give them wings and they'll fly home.

Katie is lovely. You'll miss her, but she knows where you are when she's needs a dose of mother love!

lisa said...

How strange I should read this here today Charlotte!
Just this morning I read this quote: If your kids don't hate you every once in awhile, you are not doing your job as a parent."
Your daughter is beautiful!

Cabin Fever Primitives said...

Touching post Charlotte. I have been there and done that, yes it hurts for only a little while, then the love comes pouring back twice fold over.
Thanks for sharing, we often think we are alone, it is reassuring to know we are not.
Hugs, Connie

Sweepy said...

And before you know it she will be back with dirty laundry. And that will be followed by dogs and cats she adopted but can't take care of, or projects she realized she can not do without you.

I am whining. And I'm a dog. What a pity!

Gail Dixon (Louisiana Belle) said...

Yes, she is most definitely gorgeous! And yes, having kids hurts sometimes. But the joy totally outweighs any slights.

Honestly, I don't know where the years go. One day you wake up and wonder and wish and pine...oh, I'm getting sappy now.

So glad you are secure enough in your relationship with your daughter to let her be herself. There must be limits of course, but I like your attitude.

Thanks for letting me sit and share a cup of tea with you. :)

Shannon@Cozy Home Scenes said...

Your daughter really is beautiful. I'm sure she feels that the love you two share allow for some rough patches. It must be difficult to watch her go for her independence but if you have shown love to each other through the years she will never forget and always be grateful to have you in her life. Good luck! shannon